safer than anywhere

This morning on my drive into work, my friend, Dana (or Wank, Mookums, Dolly - all affectionate nicknames for her) called me. I was on the freeway and I broke the law by answering my cell phone without my ear piece in. I didn't care. We’ve been playing phone tag for so long and I really wanted to speak to her. This is a friend of over fourteen years whom I love like I would a sister and in the past few years have seen less and less of, for no other reason than this stupid life thing we both got going on. But she’s the friend I can and should call when I need a kind ear, although I rarely do (I often call no one and just take it out on myself). She’s another one of those strong, intelligent and incredibly reasonable women I admire so much. We’ve had our ups and downs, but mostly I’ve pulled the longer end of the stick with her tolerating my high-strung, nervous and often volatile nature, and still being there and caring in a way that I’m not sure many folks would. She’s that kind of old soul, wise beyond her 35 years, and a product of both a witty, intellectual father and a nurturing, insightful mother, who, tragically, passed away from cancer four years ago. They done good with that child for sure (Judy, Dana’s mom, would be very proud of her daughter today), as she is someone who always treats others with respect even when they’ve hurt her and is one of the only humans I know who truly does not judge others. I could learn from her and in fact, told her as much this morning as she listened to me describe my Thanksgiving, the week before and all else emotionally omnipresent in my life at the moment. She listened and then offered me the simplest advice and kindest words, ones I filed away in my mind to replay again when I need them. I told her, ‘you’re like a salve.’ And she is.

I met Dana in 1994 when the therapist I worked for in West LA hired her as my assistant. Within just a short month of her working for me, I wanted to fire her…not because she did poorly (quite the contrary) but because I wanted her as a friend and not a coworker. Lucky for me, Dana had aspirations beyond gopher for the therapist and me and had already found another job, so it worked out perfectly. For the next six years (of my 20s), Dana and I spent a great deal of time together and I remember vividly, our long walks and stops for fat-free, frozen yogurts or lattes, many nights drinking wine and watching movies, going to the singles parties and doing our young women thing. We were confidantes to one another and 'had each other's back' as we suffered through many heart aches, celebrated triumphs, dealt with family woes, new jobs and, in my case, the loss of my cousin during those years. Throughout it all, Dana remained a loyal friend to me as I did to her, even during the brief times we didn't see eye-to-eye, and I can honestly say that my 20s were (and my life has been) so much more enriched by her presence and the presence of her husband and family whom I've had the good fortune to know as well.




In our 30s, life has become a very adult thing, not that we weren’t adults in our 20s but…well…you remember your 20s, yes? Now, we are full grown women doing our full grown women thing. It’s been the decade of marriage (for her and to a wonderful man and friend I love as well), the loss of her dear mother, more heartaches with less triumphs (for me anyway as I’m stuck in reverse it seems), new jobs and hectic schedules. I'm now lucky if I get to see her and often wish we were still just the carefree young 20 somethings power-walking on Wilshire Blvd. with a handful of hard candy to suck on and oh, so much to talk about.

Where does the time go, anyway? (something I had hoped I'd never be asking as I age like I've heard those older than I am lament over the years) When I was talking to her this morning about last December, I felt as if we were just there, and everything...days, weeks, months....feels sped up, fast forwarded and being played with shoddy sound quality – as if being looped on one of those old crappy sound recorders. I begged her for a date and just invited myself over for wine and movie night, something I enjoy more than she likely realizes. I can still curl up in her candle-lit living room, watch movies, sip wine and feel safer than anywhere.




We may not get to see each other until January…sigh. But at least I got a good earful of my dear friend today and that’s better than nothing.

She has read this blog (she, like my sister, has always encouraged me to write) and may read this entry, so to her I say…thanks, again Wank, I listened to every word you said and I love you.