and I had already picked out a name

Herb suggested that I name my kidney stone, Rockie, and should there be more than one, the second stone could be named, Bullwinkle. Cute, huh? I was already prepared to 'strain' my urine into a coffee can, drink five gallons of water a day and to give up my spinach addiction (really, I love spinach and eat it all the time). I was even considering (gasp!) not riding as many miles as I normally like to ride, meaning 60+ miles, and just sticking to shorter rides, at least until I was over my fear of developing a future kidney stone. I had already passed the stone and suffered another one in my mind, cause, well....that's how my neurosis manifests. At least I'm aware of it.

But all of the above was for not, as it turns out I don't have a kidney stone. Nope. No kidney issues either. No liver issues. No bladder issues. No pancreas issues. No bowel issues. In fact, my kidneys, liver, bladder, pancreas and large/small intestines are quite the lovely specimens according to the cat scan (yes, I have a copy of the report in my pudgy little hands) - they are all perfect in circumference, size and contour, showing no irregularities or abnormalities. My gall bladder was a little hidden from view, but the doctor saw no need for alarm considering my symptoms don't come near that of a faulty gall bladder or gallstone (so he didn't think a follow up on that was necessary).


"And my appendix?" I asked.

"You have a bulging disc in your L5, which means your back pain could be radiating from that," he replied while straightening his glasses with his index and middle finger and sniffing. "You may need to see an orthopedist if it continues to nag you."

"But what about that deep pain in my right side, above my groin, as if someone is digging the heel of their stiletto into me? The one that comes and goes. What about that?" I implored (I did too ask just like that..verbatim).



"I'm going to examine you, but I really think you should see your gynecologist as I think you may have a gynecological issue," he replied while again straightening his glasses and sniffing, and just before asking me to scoot down to the edge of the examining table.

Little did I know today that I'd be treated to a gynecological examine by a urologist. Good times. (Let me state here, the nurse was in the room with us and this doctor was not only gracious but very professional. Still...)

My final words to him? "I hope I didn't waste your time." He just smiled...and sniffed.

Now, I feel foolish.

I'm not imagining this pain, and like I told Dad on the phone afterwards, I detest going to doctors and rarely go. I had to have a pelvis ultrasound last year due to other issues (that showed everything normal in my drain and pipes), but other than that visit, my annual exams, and having to go to the ER after my bike crash last January, I steered clear of any medical facilities. I am not a hypochondriac. I'm the opposite, actually, and will wait until something rots before going in to have it checked (I take after my father as he'll do the same...only, he'll let it rot and hang off of him for a week or two and then go see the doctor).

I'm now left with no answer, fatigue, back pain (I know, bulging disc, whatever!) and a question of what to do next. I suppose I'll call my gyno tomorrow to make an appointment. I'll tell her she can skip the pelvis exam since I got quite a thorough one today, of course. But maybe she can find something. I have a suspicion of what it might be, but I can't say on here (really, my dad can only take so much, you know, and he reads this blog). But if it is what I think it might be, it can be remedied easily.

But if it isn't that, then what? Stupid...whatever it is.

What do you want to bet it's a gawddim appendicitis? Sigh.

Anyway, I suppose I should be breathing a sigh of relief on some levels. I really didn't want a kidney stone and had already convinced myself that I (and my weight gain) was to blame. Well, for anyone thinking I've been sitting around downing salt-rimmed tequila shots by the dozens and eating massive amounts of cheeseburgers, I bet you feel kind of foolish about now, don't ya? And, really, anyone who thought secretly that I just might be pregnant even though I and modern medicine said I'm not...go find some Krispy Kreme donut with Jesus' image in it already, and leave me alone.

As for the kidney stone - bye-bye, little stone. Although I never got to pass you through my urinary track and experience the pain equivalent to childbirth in the process, I will always remember you fondly as my little stone. Every time I double over in pain or am told there is blood in my urine, I will think of you...and wonder what you would have been like and how you might have looked made into a necklace.

Yup. Still in PU alright.