I do...now pass me a taco

Every once in a blue moon I decide to read the news online. This effort is moot on my part, really, as it usually sours my mood no matter what news story I read, good or bad, and I find myself feeling still mostly uninformed and annoyed. Mainly because our country's important events are so poorly reported on or written with so much hyperbole, it's hard to determine what's true and what isn't.

You can also forget accurate reporting on world events, by the way, as we Americans do not have a clue what's going on outside our own asses. World events simply aren't reported in a fair, honest or consistent manner, so trying to follow what's happening, let alone care, is futile (unless you take the effort to check out Refdesk where there are actual online news links from all over the globe represented - and with a far more revealing depiction of how our country fits into the big picture than is ever allowed to be published within the grand US of A).

However, other than looking for foreign press reports online written in English (the only language I barely understand), I have no choice but to peruse the news sources here within the states. I do watch FOX Television's Good Day LA most mornings, but only for the weather/traffic reports...and to see what Jillian Barberie Reynolds is wearing (she's kind of kicky and trashy all in one).

Yes, I get CNN on the boobtube as well, and, yes, I do occasionally turn it on (like during the elections last year, but mostly because I hated FOX Television with their feverishly advocating the ultra-right wing-conservative views I so don't agree with). Though really, in this country, why bother? Even the more respectful news programs cater to the lowest common denominator sorts and those folks' minds are not all that curious about much of anything outside of Paris and Britney's exposed pink beavers (I'm assuming they're still pink; I never looked at the photos).

This leaves me unsatisfied at times. I want to read real news to stay informed on topical events, I really do. But like yesterday and today and likely tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, and then into the weekend - the headline news will still be reporting ad nauseam on what was the worst f'n dress some A-lister celeb wore to the gawddim Golden Globes. I already feel as though I have one of those little globe statue thingies shoved clear up my wahoozit from the gazillion magazine covers I am bombarded with upon entering any grocery/liquor/convenient store. I swear to you, the magazines printed those covers with those photos of those stars before they ever walked down that damn red carpet on Sunday. I mean it...I really believe this to be the case as I've been seeing those covers for longer than three days (today is Tuesday and the awards show aired this past Sunday if I recall). Hey, call me crazy, I don't care, those exact mags have been on the stands since last week. I'm in PU, remember? It.Is.Too.Possible.

Ann Coulter, the current infamous right-wing-nut extraordinaire, just released her new book, Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and their Assault on America. I listened to her gibberish (um...description of what the book is about) while being interviewed by Matt Lauer and laughed. That woman actually believes it's the liberals and the liberal media that's out to get all of us and destroy America. Where has she been? In a bubble?

The American media is the least liberal media in the world, especially for a country purported to support freedom. So little of substance whether liberal or conservative is ever presented in our mainstream media publications or on our air waves. Instead, we are spoon fed only what our little minds can stomach, and that spoonful generally consists either of reports to scare the defiance right out of us or an endless stream of mind-numbing celebrity news and pics - e.g. VIP happenings like when TomKats (our new millennium gods) have meltdowns, get plastic surgery, fornicate or poop.

In my opinion, Ms. Coulter should be more concerned with the quality of what is being broadcast 24/7 by all media sources whether liberal or conservative than whether the content meets the right-wing's agenda. Stupid people, which is what this country is full of and will continue to breed, are far more dangerous than mere liberals. And I, for one, think stupid, hypocritical conservatives are the real future concern, but I don't have a publisher or a real viewpoint for that matter (other than "off with their heads!") to get a book sold on the subject.

So, phew!...today, sitting at work, on my lunch hour (I've now decided to head to the gym at 5pm in lieu of during lunch, which means I will likely have to face creepy gym guy), I wanted to read a little stimulating news to pass the time but can't. (Why? Go back and read the above, please.) Instead, I logged on and clicked the link to the sanest, most rational, credible and, in my opinion, enjoyable news on the whole world wide web...Weird News.

I love Weird News (also known as News of the Weird or Weird and Strange News as well as a few other variations). It speaks to me on a very primitive level and I listen, kind of like a high pitched sound only a dog can hear and I'm that mutt. I love it. I also recognize it for what it is...ridiculous yet profound fluff. There is so much erudite commentary on the state of our current society found within the News of the Weird simply because it is unfiltered, uncensored and, at times, grotesque...yet honest. You just need the know how to interpret the inanity of what you're reading and find the true meaning. It's also downright hysterical if you have even the slightest bent mind like mine (need I say more). Inevitably, I will read something on Weird News that will cause me to laugh so hard, I'll snort liquid out my nostrils (which was not comfortable to do today considering I have a cold and I had just gotten all the snot under control).

What pearl of hysterical and hidden genius was I laughing at today, you wonder? This: http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/weird/Normal-couple-weds-at-Taco-Bell.html

At a time when our economy is tanking and folks all over are hit with the reality of living within their means, the couple in this story should be the new role model for all those destined to marry in the future. They met cute, found they had a common interest (Taco Bell) and made a commendable choice:

Caragh Brooks, 21, of Australia met Paul Brooks, 30, on an Internet dating Web site. They already had the same last name.

"We have the same brain, just in two bodies," Paul Brooks said. "We think alike in virtually every manner. We have the same interests, viewpoints."

So sweet...two brains in the same body, the same last name, and a love of tacos.



What could be more simple and romantic? And I see elegance in their choice of venue and in the ceremony/celebration itself, for which customers and employees were free to join in:

Customers inside the fast-food restaurant continued to order tacos and burritos as the couple sat Friday in a Taco Bell orange booth and exchanged vows.

"It's appropriate," groom Paul Brooks said. "It's an off-beat relationship."

Employees displayed hot sauce packets labeled with the words "Will you marry me?" They decorated the restaurant with streamers and balloons.

The bride wore a $15 hot pink dress and the entire wedding cost about $200. Several dozen guests looked on as the couple's friend, Ryan Green of Normal, administered the vows while wearing a T-shirt. He was ordained online.

Forget the superficial celebrity crap and glossed over reports of world violence CNN and their peers have to offer. Visit Weird News instead for a daily dose of real news. And please don't think that the above type of reporting (wedding bliss over gorditas) is all you'll find. Oh, no...there are tragic and touching stories as well, like the one today about the insane inmate in Texas who plucked out his remaining good eye (he'd already plucked out the other one) and ate it. He's now, finally, being transported to a mental health facility to receive the treatment he so desperately needed to begin with (I'm thinking shock treatments). There is also the story of the man who sold his daughter for beer and is outraged that he was never paid what he was owed in Bud Light. And the woman who died after an all night orgy. Here, just go here: http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/weird/

In the meantime, I need to take another dose of my cold medicine, the non-drowsy kind that I picked up this morning so that I could function. In case you were wondering...yeah, it makes me feel a little high.